Marian Evans

2006-02-05T01:04:00.000-08:00

Born in Tripoli, my father was Kaddafi's first lieutenant. My mother was an opera singer with the Libyan National Opera Company. My father died tragically in a hunting accident when his deputy (and successor) mistook him for a deer and shot him in the back 27 times. When my mother died of Tourettes a year later, I was six. I was subsequently smuggled out of the country by my uncle and aunt and adopted by my father's cousin who was a Canadian citizen. I was recruited into intelligence work at a young age by a top Canadian External Affairs bureaucrat, and after an intensive period of private tutoring in protocol, languages, firearms, martial arts, crock-pot cookery, surveillance techniques, and the humanities (especially philosophy) my
first undercover gig arrived. Unfortunately one bungled mission followed another. My tendency to confuse approved encryption practices and Pig Latin meant that I kept leaking sensitive information, and finally I was sacked. Luckily, I was picked up by a private agency funded by the Biltburger Group. Oh, some may say it's not as posh as
some of the other agencies, but we make do.

I bet you're all wishing you knew more about the world of spying. Well, I'll tell ya, it's not so exciting. Except for the one time I posed as a garden gnome while working on something involving the Meech Lake accord, the undercover work is pretty standard fare. Usually, you're a journalist or a rock star or novelist. Lately, I've been posing as an actor selling deodorant [link to commercial?] and stuff
in order to infiltrate various ad agencies, here in Hungary. Of course, I can't tell you why. I'm also apparently going to be the voice of the Hal-like super computer in this fine film. [click on film for more] I once met the great novelist Konrad Gyorgy at a party and he was so drunk he thought I was his wife and.. well, nevermind.

The Mexico [click on Mexico for more] mission was exploratory and most of it was very low key. But just in case, ixnay on the etellingray. Anyway, here are some photos.

xxxMarian Evans (I could tell you my real name, but then I'd have to kill you)

Just kidding. Actually, I am a 32 foot tall time-travelling cybernetic construct, I can survive in hard vacuum and am resistant to temperatures of up to 4000 degrees F. I can shoot laser beams from my eyes, or neutrino streams that instantly kill any organic life in their vicinity, or, you know, look at stuff. Sometimes I make mistakes. Sorry about that. All this may seem a bit much to you, but in 2347 it barely qualifies me for my job as a chartered accountant.

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Marian Evans